I've been helping with a community program at work for about a year now. It's an academy put on by the department to educate the community about how police work happens (save it, fire friends!). This will be our third class, and tonight, I'm running it solo.
EEEK.
I am so nervous I can't hardly sit still. I want to run around in circles, jump up and down and then power nap to prepare. But doing that would be counterproductive, and possibly make me seem even weirder to my coworkers...so a-blogging I will go.
Have you ever had so much built up tension that you feel like your skin is too small for your bones? I feel like I'm going to burst!
I feel wired, hyper-acutely aware of my surroundings. I can hear the secretary's pen scratching on the paper in the other room. A conversation in the next office. Bass from a passing car. I can smell the small amount of coffee left burning in the pot. The aroma of macaroni and cheese floats up from behind me, where my discarded lunch leftovers sit in my trash can. (Gotta remember to empty that.)
As I type, I can feel the tension draining out through my fingers. They fly across the keyboard, typing every errant thought that flies into my head. Somewhere in my brain, I know I'm prepared, as much as I ever could be, and that I have no reason to fret over tonight. But I continually run through my checklist of "to-do" to ensure that tonight will be a success. Excited and scared all at the same time: I have my continual worry that my neck will be a bright red blotchy tomato from all the nerves--as it does ANY time I do public speaking.
Deep breathing. Meditate. Calm. Type.
Wishing I was flexible enough for yoga. I heard that helps.
Whew. Even a short blog post has relieved a LOT of tension. I love blogtherapy.
~CSM
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